I hate failure. And I can barely tolerate not being exceptional at something. Especially if it’s a thing I care about. In fact, I dislike failing so much that it sometimes prevents me from enjoying certain activities.

Now this is completely different from an activity with no real vested interest. I have no qualms making a complete fool of myself in something I care little about, as referenced in a previous blog about being terrible at golfing.

But when it comes to something I have committed to pursuing, my sentiments are much different. Case in point: archery squirrel hunting.

Some of you may have been following that I have recently taken up traditional bow archery and instinctive shooting. And while my daily practice has helped me improve tremendously, I’m still not good enough to get the job done...yet.

Since I began regularly practicing about a month ago, I’ve gotten to the point where I can routinely put a group of arrows inside an 8 inch circle from about 15 yards away. Fortunately for the local wildlife, I haven’t yet learned how to do it when it counts.

Today marks my second attempt of stalking through the woods back behind my house. On my first outing, I saw half a dozen squirrels, barely missed the one shot I took, and lost an arrow for my troubles. This time, I took a couple of shots at a few different squirrels, missed terribly, and lost yet another arrow.

Feeling frustrated at my failed attempts, I was pleasantly surprised to happen upon a wild rabbit that I startled from the brush as I was creeping along. I followed the rustling of leaves into a tangle of vines and found the rabbit hiding with most of its body exposed, not 10 feet away from me.

At last, my chance for redemption! The squirrels had all been a decent way off, but this fat, meaty rabbit was almost close enough to grab by hand. I got myself into position, drew back the string, loosed the arrow, and THWACK!

SAVAGE	GENTLEMAN
The "Jack" Backpack	Hemingway Sweater

I sunk my arrowhead right into the tree the rabbit was hiding behind. Before I could begin to curse myself, the rabbit bolted off into the forest and out of sight.

While part of this is simply a lamentation of my iniquity as a hunter, I think it is a feeling that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. In fact, I hope that it is something we as Savage Gentlemen have come across quite often. Because in order to progress in anything, we must first make an honest attempt at it and be equally honest with the outcome. Whether we like to or not.

There is a saying that is often used amongst fighters and competitive BJJ practitioners that goes: “You either win, or you learn”. I can appreciate the general idea expressed here, but I think it too easily glosses over losing to soften the blow of failure. In reality, for a loss to truly be useful, it needs to sting. Sometimes, it should hurt to fall short. Because without consequence, there is very little incentive to improve.

Now in my case with the rabbit, there was no physical pain involved, but my pride and ego were severely bruised. And while being prideful and having an ego are often taken to negative extremes, they can be helpful in teaching us valuable lessons. That is, if we’re willing to put them on the line and accept our own shortcomings for what they are.

It sucks to suck, but self-deception is worse.

Trying to convince ourselves we “don’t care” about the outcome is mental gymnastics that is rarely fruitful. Honest self-assessment needs to walk the line between crippling self-doubt and complete delusion. If we can consistently stay within these bounds, we will actually learn from our mistakes and eventually get better.

As for me, I’m going to watch a few more Youtube videos as I lick my wounds, and tomorrow morning I’ll be right back at it again. Squirrels and rabbits beware...